


Elegy

by seaweednoodles



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F, Heavy Angst, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 14:58:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17983307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seaweednoodles/pseuds/seaweednoodles
Summary: valentina finds juliana after she's been gone for 8 months. sadness and angst ensue.





	Elegy

A ringing pulls you from your reverie. You pick it up from its face down position on your desk. The name flashes across the screen again in your hand. A ghost of a touch silences it. You set it back in the same place as before. As if you’d never picked it up at all. As if its call had never been cast into you like a fishing line set off to find its target. You place your hand against the cold glass window your bed sits up against. Condensation builds underneath it until you pull away and all that’s left is your handprint. It remains, reminding you that you have a body and it is real. It’s all real. But then it fades and you decide to stare out at the snow falling on the other side of the window. Because unlike you, it still remains undisturbed. Beautiful and silent in its way.

You hurry to the stove where the tea kettle sits whistling. There’s a knock at the door as you’re pouring the kettle’s steaming contents into a mug. You don’t answer it right away, you linger near your mug and tea kettle and stare into the swirling happening inside your mug. Another knock at the door and you find yourself in front of it this time, you pull it open. Your heart catches at the sight of her, her eyes meet yours and you don’t how you thought you’d be able to smile. You can hardly breathe. But you don’t have to because she’s already pulling you into her arms, wrapping herself around you as if she belongs there, as if you had never left her.

**\--**

Valentina stares at you as you stare at your hands in your lap. 

“I didn’t travel 3,000 miles for you to ignore me, Juliana.”

Your voice cracks, “I know.” Finally your eyes find hers again and it hurts. Because you see it. You see what you’ve done and not only how it’s affected her but changed her too. But you don’t look away this time, because she doesn’t deserve that. She loved you once. 

Her phone rings, she stares at it a moment, “I… I’ll be right back. Sorry.” She pulls open your door and walks out of it into the hall. You wait, you hear her laugh. You wish you could do something besides sit here and wait for her.

She’s back and she’s sitting right next to you now. You can feel the heat from where her thigh touches yours.

“We don’t have to talk about it.” she starts. 

“I never stopped thinking about you.” she pulls away from you at this, you’ve said the wrong thing. Her face is angry. 

“You ignored all of my calls, my millions of texts, my letters. At what point was I on your mind?”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t. I had to leave.”

She breathes a heavy breath out of her nose, “Clearly.” She pauses looking out your window, “I could have been there for you. I would have been.”

“I know.”

Abruptly she stands up, “Can you say something besides that?”

You steel yourself, “She’s gone. The girl I was is gone. If you came all this way for her, you won’t find her Valentina.”

Valentina falls back into the small sofa across from you. The tension is still thick around you, you want to slice through it but you’ve never been good at that. 

“Val… you told me what you haven’t come here for. Why don’t you tell me what you did come here for? Were you hoping that this would be... _it_?”

Valentina falls back into the cushions of the sofa, her hand on her face. “You ended it, Juliana.” 

Bile winds its way through your throat, coating your tongue and lingering at the tip of it. “There’s someone else.”

She turns her head away from you into the sofa cushion. She says nothing until… “I would have waited for you. But you wouldn’t answer me, I was stuck and then I wasn’t and then I didn’t know how to stop it or how to go back.”

“Juliana, that's not the only reason I came here. You’re my best friend and your mom... _died_ and I know it hurts but I want you to be okay again. I want to help you be okay again.”

“..... No.” You say it so quietly you don’t think she’s heard you.

“No?”

“No.” You say more firmly this time. “I… I can’t be your friend. Not when I can still taste the taste of your lips every time I look at them and I want to break down every time you look at me. We can’t be friends.”

Valentina kneels in front of you now, her hands find their way into yours. “I’m sorry.” She puts her head down in your lap. 

“Me too.” You run your hand through her hair, the girl you love the most, feeling more tired than you ever have. Now more than ever you understood why people threw themselves off rooftops.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry this had to come out of me


End file.
